R U OK Day is a day intended to inspire action, reminding us that reaching out and having a conversation with those around us to ask the question ‘are you okay?’ could save a life. While at first we are drawn to think that it’s hard to ask someone if they are ok, which is true. Much harder still, is to tell someone else that you are not ok.
What if it happened to you? What if someone opened up to you, and told you: “no, I’m not OK”? What should you say or do? Should you tell someone else? What resources can you point to, and what help is available?
OUR IDEAS ON HOW TO RESPOND, AND SUPPORT SOMEONE WHO IS NOT OKAY:
NO, I’M NOT OKAY
If the person says ‘no’, then it is important to encourage the person to talk about it. You can say something like ‘what’s been going on for you?’ or ‘let’s have a chat about it’. It is important not to force the person to talk, but to make it clear you would like to hear about it. It might be useful to go for a walk together - people often talk more freely when they don’t have to make lots of eye contact.
Listening is the most useful thing you can do at this stage. Use minimal encouragers like nodding or ‘mmm’ to indicate you are listening. It’s important not to rush the conversation, even if you are feeling nervous.
Empathise with the person, so they feel you are listening and acknowledging how they feel. Statements like ‘that sounds tough, mate’ or ‘I can hear you’re feeling sad/confused etc.’ are good.
Another crucial thing to ask is ‘how can I help?’ Many people already have resources or know what to do next, and it’s important we offer assistance in a respectful way. If they don’t have resources, ask if they have a GP they trust, or suggest you look up services together.
NO, I’M REALLY NOT OKAY
If you think there is a chance the person may be considering suicide, it is important to ask them about this directly. It can be useful to say ‘when people feel like this, sometimes they think about taking their own life. Are you thinking about suicide?’ You can’t put the idea in a person’s head if they aren’t considering suicide, but it can be a huge relief to someone to be asked and be able to talk about it.
If they are considering suicide, it’s important to connect them to support. This may be friends or family, a GP or other professional. You can say ‘I’m really glad you told me this, have you told anyone else?’, or ‘It’s important to reach out when we feel like this - I’m glad you told me. I’m not an expert in these things, so it’s important that you talk to someone who knows more about this than me and who can help.’ Don’t agree to keep it to yourself.
If you and your friend are unsure what to do next, or the person is distressed, you can always call Lifeline on 13 11 14 together.
I’D RATHER NOT TALK ABOUT IT…
Rather than answer ‘no’, it is possible the person may respond with a ‘yeah I’m okay’ or not want to talk at all. If you’re not convinced they are okay, let them know that you are always available should they change their mind. It’s worth sending them a text or email a few hours later reiterating your support.
It’s okay to voice your concerns with the person, and it can be useful to talk about the things you have noticed, such as ‘I’ve noticed you’re not your usual self lately/you’re quieter than usual, and I’m concerned. Please know I’m here if you want to talk’.
Remember the premise of R U OK Day is a conversation could change a life. This simple gesture of compassion can have a profound effect on someone who is going through tough times. R U OK? While it's great to hear a happy YES reply, it might actually be better to hear a hesitant 'no'. You may be the first person to have ever asked this question. You may have just started someone on the road to getting the help - and hopefully recovery - that they need.
R U OK? Ask it today, ask it tomorrow, ask it next week.
WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT?
As we approachR U OK? Day on September 10, we have countless stories of how someone asking “Are you OK?” to a stressed colleague has made a profound difference.
Here at Inbloom, we have been offering for many years an interactive 45 minutes R U OK? Workshop to support this important cause. This virtual workshop can offer a lot of value; when pressure is high and staff feel isolated, dark thoughts can start to emerge, and our goal is to make a conversation about difficult times OK. We are committed to empowering and educating people to take care of their mental health & wellbeing, whilst learning ways to support their colleagues who might be struggling.
